Superheroes

I took all of one psychology course in college which was aptly named Psychology 101. My time in the class has proven to be woefully underwhelming when it has come to assessing myself during this journey.

• I definitely have survivor guilt, and it started when I found out that my cancer was Stage 2B and curable.
• I think people around me have proven the Bystander Apathy theory very wrong and I’m happy to say so.
• Sometimes I just want to lock myself into a quiet room and rock like a Rhesus monkey.

That’s about what I know and what I can apply to this current situation.

What I want to know is- is there a non-Superhero complex? All you psych experts out these, this is your chance to show your stuff.

I was diagnosed on August 1 and when I found out I had a one-week (thank God my girls were at sleepover camp), wine-fueled bender and told anyone who could listen about the shit show I had just unwittingly bought a ticket to. I held court on my patio while various close friends stopped by and watched me process. I didn’t feel super or even human, to be honest. But I have consistently been called Wonder Woman. I love it, because who doesn’t want to be her? But it also feels funny — I have felt really good but didn’t really DO anything to make that happen. I am a total poser.

Since boarding the bus I’ve felt incredibly supported but also have felt that, when it has gotten down to it, I’ve just been kicked in the ass and shoved out into the cold, naked place and asked to stand in front of a chemical or surgical firing squad that may or may not kill me, and I’ve just been asked to show up. So I have. But that’s IT.

There are no special tricks or medications I’m taking to make this ok. And yes, I’ve had six rounds of chemo and feel good! Thanks to cold-capping I have my hair (on my head, another post for another time), and I don’t feel sick. Maybe a little tired but what working mom of three doesn’t feel tired??

The best tools I’ve had are waterproof mascara, great concealer and powder, sleep, water, and my people — my support network. Of course there have been other over-the -counter meds I mentioned in the last post but it’s not as if I’m flying to an island of goddesses and getting my fill. I say this because I know I have it easy. I have Diet Cancer. Don’t let anyone fool you: I have NOTHING compared to some of the people out there who have cancer and associates treatment for yearssssss.

I will be your hero. But please, if you are at all affected by my diagnosis and this stupid journey, remember the many who are dealing with much, much worse. I’ll be your Wonder Woman if you promise you’ll keep the other superheroes in your thoughts.

XO